Three Phrases Helping Me Make Choices in Uncertain Times
- Use what you have
- Do what you know
- Finish what you start
I read these mantras from Myquillin Smith and I have not stopped thinking about them. Even on a good day, I struggle with making choices. When things are upside down it can be even worse. I look for the next perfect thing, instead of the next right thing. These words help me get to the next right thing. It is usually what I already have, what I already know, or what I have already started.
Use what you have
I was trying to pick which book to read aloud next with the kids; I wanted to tie it to an Arrow study (more on this favorite resource in another post) to pack more into the experience. I read through all the choices, mentally matching the studies up with all the books we already have. We have collected a lot of books from the thrift store and have a lot to choose from. (Ooh, that one looks good! Ooh, that one is a classic!) But the mantra whispered to me and I knew we already had Arrow studies we had not done yet. One of them being The Cricket in Times Square. My youngest has also been listening to Tony Shalhoub read this as an audio book, and we have the paperback that I can assign to my older boys as their reading. But I still hesitated. This mantra cuts through all the noise in my head and asks me to look at where I am, what I have and what I have already started and can finish.
I used this mantra to pick the next tv show to watch at night. Maybe a silly decision but one that can take up a lot of brain space. Since it is an election year I have been thinking about the West Wing. My husband and I never finished the series; now seems like a good time to start. So have picked it back up starting at season five. It feels good to be back with familiar characters, and to keep going with a series we always enjoyed.
Do what you know
I am always looking for the next thing or a new way to do things to make life better, but often I already know, I just don’t want to do it.
There are enough changes and challenges happening right now. I think it is a good time to lean on what you know. I know I feel stronger and happier when I practice yoga. And I know I will only do it if I do it first thing in the morning. I can stop trying to tell myself I will do it later in the day. I won’t. Do what I know.
I also know that when the kids start to nag me that they need my attention. It will go better if I give them focused attention. I don’t want to. But I know I will fill them up if I do and I will feel better myself having engaged with them. Do what I know. (I am telling myself this right now as the kids tap at me for attention.)
This also works when I am not feeling like enough. That maybe I need to learn something new to be be enough for my people. And sometimes I do need something new. But a good place to start is to do what I know first. I know how to cook, I can spend time with my kids cooking with them. I love to read, I can share my love of stories with them. Often these things that I can share I preface with “just”: “Eh, I that isn’t worth it — it is just soup.” But these things still have value. These are pieces of me that I can share. What we know is a good place to start, then we can go from there to discover and learn something new.
Finish what you start
Oh, this one is a hard one for me. I want to move on to the next thing. There are always so many things to do. I have piles of unfinished projects, and piles of objects without homes, unhung picture frames, holey kid pants I am not ready to throw away waiting to be mended. Books started, ideas half baked, sentences unfinished…
I have conflicting feelings over those undone piles and projects. I want to get them done but I don’t feel up to it. Maybe this is the perfectionist in me that feels it isn’t even worth trying because I won’t get it right. I am going to say it, it is the perfectionist in me fearing that I won’t get it right. If I can get past my “I don’t wanna” and “what if I do it wrong?” attitude I can usually find some part of the project that I can start and do what I know. The satisfaction in having finished something is worth all the angst at the beginning. It gives me a boost of confidence to finish something else.
An invitation
When I don’t know where to begin or what to do next I can hear these mantras whispering in my head. I hear it as an invitation to be present, to lean into what I already value. To stand in my own body, to be grounded in who I am, rather than reaching out beyond myself to grasp at some new thing to save me.
We are all home for a while, not by choice, but we can choose to practice these invitations to give us a more peaceful experience while we are at home.